I (24f) have been fantasizing about my college professor (35m) since 2021. I first met him when I took his organic chemistry 1 lecture. I remember walking into the auditorium and it was like I was magnetically drawn to him. He was tall with short, light brown hair, and an athletically toned build. He wore well-fitted slacks with a sinfully snug dress shirt tucked into them. He always kept the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Most of all, he was incredibly smart and a passionate speaker, not to mention funny and witty. He was handsome with a smile that made my heart flip. He was my Adonis.

I would sit in his class and practically melt as I absorbed his words, watching him enthusiastically breakdown unit after unit of course material to us, his students. I remember when I asked him for help for the very first time on a practice reaction. He complimented me on how beautifully my reactions were drawn and had an awestruck look of admiration on his attractive face. My body burned ferociously as I tried to focus on the explanation he was giving me to solve the problem. From that point on, I noticed our eyes would meet a lot more during lecture. I would offer a soft smile of admiration and always received one back. I found any reason I could to go to his office hours in the Chemistry Hall. Clarification on lecture material, help with homework, questions after exams, you name it. He accepted me with an enthusiastic smile every single time.

As our speech slowly grew to lack formalities, so did the tension in the room. It became a regular routine for me to pop in during his office hours and stay for nearly the whole hour just talking with him. I pictured myself bent over his desk as he made me recite the rules of nomenclature, a hand firmly rubbing my ass as he awaited my responses. I wanted him to reward me for every correct answer and deliciously punish me for every wrong answer. I fantasized about him moaning my name and calling me a good girl for performing well on my exams. I wanted to suck every square inch of his cock while he graded papers. I wanted to be his studious slutty little scholar.

Here’s the problem. I have been in a committed relationship with my bf (25m) since I was 20 (dating for 1 year before I met my prof). I feel incredibly guilty for thinking about another man in such a way, but he was so many things my bf isn’t. He was highly academic, analytical, witty, and charming. Not to mention the difficulties in sexual compatibility I have with my bf (me having high libido and him lower). I never made a move on my professor because I was in a committed relationship and I have always been vehemently against cheating. I figured my crush would pass in time, but I was so incredibly wrong. I never have and never would step outside of my relationship with my bf, but it is now almost 3 years later and I am still thinking of Dr. Adonis. I switched majors and surprisingly, my main building is right next to his. Sometimes when I’m walking around campus, I’ll take a quick glance around where we would meet in hopes that I might see him again, even for a moment.

There isn’t a single part of me that doubts he would have fucked me if I had said the word back then. You could have cut the sexual tension of our time spent together with a knife as we flirted through my questions and pondering. Despite the circumstances surrounding me, he lives on in my dreams. Our time there spent with me in his lap reading aloud from a textbook as he utters salacious comments into my ear.